Somewhere In The Between
by MJRmutation
Summary: The mystery surrounding Beckett's and Josh's break up now revealed. But is Castle still willing to just take her back? Set during Rise, and turns AU after that. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**I know i'm in the middle of another fic, but i cant keep this one bottled up for much longer. Ive always wondered what the break up between Beckett and Josh was like, when and where it was, what was said and what was done, how much of a fight did Josh put up. Also, i kind of regret making Josh so nice and understanding in my last fic. So I decided to make him the asshole that he was portrayed as in Rise. I will also go in another direction with the swing scene, and it will be really dramatic and stuff! Its rated M for language. **

**Disclaimer: still not mine, but i can dream cant i?**

* * *

_"You deserve to be happy. But your afraid!" _

_"This isn't about your mothers' murder anymore, this is about you needing a place to hid!"_

_"You hide in these nowhere relationships with men you DON'T LOVE!"_

His words of the confrontation ring in her head. Replaying it over and over again in her head, she feels the clench in her stomach every time she recalls herself cursing him to get out. Never in her life has someone stood up to her like that, never called her on anything having to do with her mother's death. She hated him in the few hours after him accusing her of hiding. She scorned herself for letting him get so close, for not telling him to get out sooner, because she didn't need to hear those things.

She always had a drive to uncover the truth behind a swarm of lies someone had told to protect themselves, but here she was, watching him retreat out the door after telling him that she didn't remember. It was a split second decision she had made when she registered him entering the room. She didn't notice the way Josh had puffed out his chest on his way out, looking ready to snap at the sight of Castle.

She was hiding.

After Castle had left, Josh made his way back into her room, looking behind him toward the door with anger flashing in his eyes.

"What the hell was he doing here?" Josh spat.

"He just came to see how I was doing."

"Kate, he..." He started, ready for a speech but was interrupted by her stern voice.

"Josh, I'm tired. I need to rest." She said, with a blank look on her pale face.

"Okay, I'll be here tomorrow to help you get discharged." He said, in a small voice. He then got up and left with out another word, or even a glance back to her.

* * *

When Josh returned the next afternoon, Kate had been slowly making her way out of the bathroom, next to her made hospital bed. She greeted him flatly. "Hey, Josh."

"Hey there. The discharge papers should be here any minute and then I can take you home." He said coming around to give her a hand.

"Thanks." She said, the flat tone still there.

The discharged papers were signed, and she was out the door into the waiting taxi Josh had called. They made their way to her apartment and she slowly made her way to her bedroom closet to get the NYPD police academy duffel bag that lay in back. She threw it onto her bed, along with some old T-shirts and sweatpants. It was a few moments later when Josh came across the room to survey what she was doing, that she stopped.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a heavy tone.

"My dad offered his cabin to me while I'm on leave from work, to help me recover. I'll be there for the rest of the summer, at least."

"You're leaving? Kate, do you really think that that's a good idea?" He asked, faking worry.

"It's my decision, either way." She said, still throwing clothes onto her bed, next to the open duffel bag.

"Kate, what's going on? Why are you so mad?" He asked, in an almost accusing tone, as if to say _'what did I do?'_.

"Josh, not now." He spat, not bothering to look up.

"Yes, now! You come home after I pry a bullet out of your chest, and you're acting like I'm the one that shot you."

"Josh! I don't want to talk about it! My dad will be here in an hour and I'd like to be alone when he gets here." she said, coming to glare at him.

"What, so now I can't meet your dad?" He asked, taking a step forward and lifting his arms up in a confused shrug.

"What would I say? Hey dad! This is my boyfriend who is never here, but holds the fact that he did his job and pried a bullet out of my chest over my head and then gets mad at me when I don't want to talk about it four days after it happens. Do you like him, daddy? Is that what you want?" She countered.

"What I want is for you is to be realistic!" Josh said, as if that was to bring her to her senses.

"Realistic? You think that it's realistic for me to keep this 'relationship'," she air quoted, "going after what you have done?!"

"What do you mean what I've done?"

"Oh come one, Josh. Cut the Crap! My dad told me how you reacted when he saw you coming toward him. You really think you reserve a second chance after making a first impression like that? He saw you and the first thing you do is shove my partner against a wall and tell him it's his fault that my captain was dead and that there was a bullet in my chest!" She said, pointing a finger at him.

"Oh, so this is about him! That's what this is all about. This is about the little crush you have on writer-boy." He said, mocking her.

With that remark, she snapped.

"That boy has done more for me that you have in the past year and you're my fucking boyfriend! He threw himself in front of that bullet, with out a second thought or a bat of an eye lash! And it's because of that boy that I'm even alive today!" She said, getting angrier with every word that came out of his mouth.

"Kate, If it wasn't for him pushing you to look into your mother's murder, you never would have been shot!"

"If it wasn't for him caring so much that I never found justice after my mother bled to death over the trash in a back alley, I would be dead by now! I caught the son of a bitch who stabbed her because of that boy, and because of that 'boy', one day I'm going to find the bastard that hired him to do it! Tell me, when was the last time you cared enough even to ask what happened to my mom, when I spend the last January ninth in my shower, still in work out clothes, with cold water pouring down on me, while I sobbed for three hours? You want to know what happened after that? That 'boy' came over, while you were out saving the world, and just watched movies until he was sure that I was asleep. When was the last time you did that for me with out rushing off to the sound of your fucking beeper?!"

"It's my job, Kate! You of all people should understand that! But he has no place following you around like a god damn lost puppy all the time! I thought that after I was called to look you over after being stuck in a freeze, he would get the message and go home. But apparently, he's dumber than he looks."

"Don't you DARE talk about him like that! He is the smartest man I've ever met! I wouldn't have solved half of the cases that I have these past three years with out him! He has more of a place in my life than my own boyfriend does! The only thing that that shows me is how stupid I have been for thinking that we actually stood half a chance at making this work. Now, get out! I have to pack." She spat, as watched as he stood there, visibly breathing, fists clenched into tight fists, ready to punch a hole in the dry wall of her bedroom. After too long of a moment she reminded him, "I told you to get out!" With that he finally relented and turned on his heel and stomped out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

She expected tears to fall, but they never did. It was only relief to finally be rid of him. After a few minutes she heard a firm knock on her door, startling her out of her thoughts. She went to answer it, checking the peep hole first, she opened with a warm smile to greet her father.

"Hey Dad." She said, outstretching her arms to invite him in for a hug. He came in and wrapped his arms around his daughter and spoke softly. "Hey, Katie. How you feeling?" He asked, as he removed himself from her embrace.

"Alright, just tired." She said in an unwavering voice.

"You sure? I saw your boyfriend down on the street, he looked pretty upset. Everything alright?" He said, closing the door and locking it, being a little more paranoid for her safety than normal.

"We broke up." She said, as if nothing was wrong, and went to go pack her duffel bag with the clothes she had thrown next to it and head out the door.

"Really? I'm sorry, sweetie, I know you liked him." He said, some what glad she broke it off after what he witnessed him do after his little girl had been shot.

"I did, but it just wasn't working." She said, zipping up the bag. Deciding to leave it at that, and not wanting to upset her in her condition, Jim took the bag from her grasp, much to her protest and assertions that she could carry it herself.

* * *

_"I'll call you." _

Those three little words were all he had to hold on to. After three months, what had started as a hope for a chance to talk things out, quickly started to turn into a false one. He had only himself to blame. If it wasn't for him digging where he didn't belong, she would have never gotten into this, she would have gone on with her life, met some one and lived happily ever after, if such a thing really existed. He once had faith that it did, he thought he had found that in Kyra, but was shattered when she left for the UK. Then Meredith came along and was the complete opposite of what he had lost. He thought that she was his happily ever after, and was even more convinced when she came to him almost ecstatic, saying that she was pregnant, but was once again shattered when he discovered one of her many affairs. He had since lost all hope of a happily ever after for himself.

It was another set of three little words, that hold no meaning by themselves, but mean so much more when said together, that had destroyed his chances, when it was usually those three words that was the glue that held it all together. It was a split second decision to make his confession, just as split as tackling her had been. He felt his gut coil in guilt for putting her through this, for telling her that he loved her while she had been writhing on the ground with blood coming up to stain her white gloves that went along with her now blood stained dress uniform. He would have been better off just walking away when she told him to.

In the month that followed her shooting, and his departure from the hospital, with her telling him that she'd 'call him', he threw himself into her case, staying up well past healthy hours, not eating because he found it never settled right in his stomach with him knowing that the man was still out there for all he knew, that man could have his sites trained on her head this time, making sure he didn't miss. He would stare at the murder board at the precinct for hours and hours on end, only looking away to steal a glance at her name plate that lay in the same place she left it. The boys had been supportive, telling him that he's done all he could, that she's alive, that she's alright, that he should go home and get some rest, but he always said the same thing in response, "Not until I have answers."

When Captain Victoria "Iron" Gates showed up a month and a half after the funeral, and decided that he had no place in 'her' precinct, he fought against her only momentarily before resigning to his fate, and slinking home, with what very little dignity he could scrounge. They boys offered to take him out for drinks when they got off, but he declined, wanting to be alone, to stew in his own self loathing, and his failure.

"Castle." Ryan whispered to him, holding a file in his hands, and gesturing for him to join him in the stair well.

"What is it, Ryan?" He asked, impatience seeping off of his voice.

"Here," He handed him the file on the case they had all been struggling on, her smiling picture on front only served to deepen the stab of pain he felt in his side.

"The last thing we need is Gates finding this and going ape-shit on us." He said.

"Thanks, Kevin." He said, not sure if he was really grateful or not.

"Don't worry bro, we'll find him." He patted him strongly on the shoulder before heading back into the bullpen before his absence was noticed by his new captain.

He took the file home and shoved it in the back of his safe in his office, hoping to be forgotten until they really did find their man. After another week of sitting at home with nothing more than a bottle of scotch and the worried and disapproving gaze of both his mother and daughter, he got a scolding phone call from Gina, telling him that he needed to quit playing around and get back to his own job, and quit doing someone else's. He didn't have the energy to fight back, so he sent in his last chapter, and attended all the events Gina had already planned for him with a fake attitude that it was all going to be alright, that better days are ahead. Until he eventually was asking for Gina to book more signings and more readings, more release parties, the only reason is they kept him busy and keeping his mind as preoccupied as possible was keeping the stinging feeling of _her_ at bay.

After being reminded by Gina that he had a book signing at a Barnes and Noble near the park at noon, he got dressed and headed out the door, getting a hug from his little girl, glad to see her dad starting to get back to normal. He was not surprised when he arrived at the book store in the back entrance and saw a long line in front of his usual small desk that was stacked with his newly released novel and an uncomfortable chair that he would sit in for the next few hours. The signing went on as per the usual, signing on the title page, and not on the dedication page like he used to do. He tried to get through the first signing he had booked, signing on his usual page, the dedication page, but couldn't do it. Seeing Roy's name in print only served to bring back memories of the funeral, of his helping carry his casket, the speech and then...

He always signed on the dedication page, because it would cause people to actually read it, instead of just skipping ahead to where the book actually began. He dedicated his books for a reason, and to people that mattered to him, and if people took the time to read it, it made him feel like he was doing something selfless. But now, mindlessly asking for names of girls ranging from young teens to late fifties to mid sixties, he couldn't help but feel selfish for changing his long time tradition because he couldn't bare the memories.

With the line winding down, he asked for the next persons' name, flipping to the title page and waiting, pen in hand to sign it.

"Kate, you can make it out to Kate." A small but too familiar voice called from the other side of the desk. His muscles shivered involuntarily at the sound of her velvety voice. Hoping that his tired mind was just playing tricks on him, he looked up to see the hope of a false reality had been dashed. For standing in front of him was his partn... was Kate Beckett, asking for him to sigh her copy of his book. He simply kept the stoic look on his face, closed the book cover calmly, and ended the book signing there, receiving no objections from Gina, but receiving many from the awaiting fans that have yet to have their prayers answered and have him sign their book, thinking that he was paying special attention to each one, like he would remember a face from a book signing if he saw it on the street.

He walked out the front entrance, shaking a few hands, getting the usual comments on his book and walked go hail a cab to head home, eagerly waiting to forget this day. He looked up to see her figure. He took a split second to take in her appearance. She looked healed, to say the least. She looked rested, but with a slight edge, as if waiting for another shot to ring out. He stepped around her and started to walk off once more.

"Castle, wait!" She pleaded fruitlessly.

"I did, three months. You never called." He stopped at the corner, waiting for the next empty cab to appear, but oddly enough, none were in immediate sight. _The ONE time I actually need a cab, _he thought inwardly as an impatient scowl appeared on his face.

"Castle, I wanted to call. But I couldn't, not with out dragging myself into everything that I just needed to get away from." She pleaded to his stiff back.

He didn't listen to what she said. Just the fact that she was here trying to justify herself to him was enough to send him off the edge of the control he slowly built back up over the last two months.

"Do you know what it's like? Do you know what it's like seeing blood pouring out of someone, knowing there isn't a fucking thing you can do to stop it, except just sit there and tell that person that everything is going to be fine, when the reality of it is you don't know a dam thing except the fact that they have a bullet in their chest? I watched you die in that ambulance, Kate! I still have nightmares of that day, Kate. I still hear the sound of your heart monitor dead pan into that gut wrenching tone every time I hear someone's cell phone ring. And to add insult to injury, your precious doctor motorcycle boy got in my face, telling me that I might as well of been the one to pull the trigger, that I was responsible for Montgomery's death. That was ALL I had, Kate. That was all I had. That and a false promise that you'd call me, thinking it would be maybe a week, or at a stretch, a month. But no. You come here, as if nothing nothing was wrong, that we could just pick up where we left off? After that? No, Kate! No!" He finished.

With multiple stares angled in their direction, he stormed off in wide and frustrated steps and soon disappeared around the corner, leaving her to stand shocked, ashamed, and watery eyed in the cold streets of New York.

* * *

**A/N: I know that when I see a fic rated M, the first thing I think of is caskett sex, and the last thing i think of is castle yelling at kate, so please forgive me, but this take of the story was one I felt needed to be told. **

**If the response is big enough, I will write another chapter to this, and maybe turn it into a full story. If I do, the next chapter will be kates leave, and coming back to the precinct, and my take on that. So please! REVIEW! Let me know your thoughts on this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So the last chapter to this hasn't been up long, but I couldn't resist the urge to keep writing this story! So here goes nothin! **

**Disclaimer:Not mine, but i have a dream! **

* * *

The drive up to her father's cabin had been longer than she remembered. Her chest still ached after her screaming match with Josh, but it was worth it to get him out of her life. Not a word was said between her and her father on the two hour drive to upstate New York to his secluded cabin. He knew that after his wife passed away, and Katie closed up, she never talked about personal issues. She used to come crying to her daddy when her newest crush and broken her heart in high school, he had held her hair back when she came home after a 'schools out' party and puked her guts out while apologizing for being to careless. He could still remember Johanna's soft voice singing his little Katie back to sleep after a bad dream, the echos of Rainbow Connection still rang in his head, and every time he heard it now, it brought a tear to his eye.

But since Johanna's death, she was so closed off. After that night when she fell apart in his arms, choking on sobs asking "Why did she have to leave us? Why did she have to die? It's not fair! It just isn't fair!", he never saw his little girl again. Here came Kathrine Beckett. A quiet, reserved woman with a shell as thick as the Berlin wall. She didn't laugh, she barley smiled. When she did smile it was a sad, pitiful smile. Not the bright, unreserved, holding nothing back smile she had when she got her prom dress, or when her mother sewed her stuffed mouse's arm back on.

He knew now that his actions held no excuses. His wife's death had crushed him in an unimaginable way, but the death of his precious daughter's spirit afterwards, crushed him even more. He had lied when he consoled her by saying 'it's going to be alright'. The night he came around the corner hallway to their door of their uptown apartment, after missing their diner reservations, and saw Detective Raglan standing there with a very grim look on his face, he didn't see a future. He didn't know what do to with a grief stricken, nineteen year old college freshman daughter. He didn't know what to do with himself.

He was too drunk to remember when she had told him that she had transferred from Stanford to UNY, and switched her major from pre-law to criminal justice and was saving up to enter the police academy. By the time she was handed the shield, he was sober enough to ask her if this is what she wanted, but her answer still haunts him to this day, because he didn't know how to respond. She just looked at him through a firm expression and said "I never wanted any of this, Dad."

He wanted his little girl back. He wanted Katie back. Then, out of nowhere, her thick and well build shell started to crack. The bounce was back in her voice when she called him, there was more confidence in her stride when ever they met for breakfast. He finally got to see her bright smile again when she regaled a tale of how this new guy she was placed with landed three shots in the ten ring of a practice target. She started calling him more over the past three years, her tone getting more cheerful. She even came to him last summer when her partner had left for the Hamptons right before she was about to accept his offer, she didn't fall apart in his arms and ask him why boys are so stupid, she just needed someone not to tell her it was her fault for being to slow. But the simple fact that she had come to him about a personal matter, after 12 years, was encouraging.

After a while, her light tone and bounce came back. She had mentioned that she met a doctor while buying new motorcycle boots and they had started dating, but she still talked about the latest trouble Castle had gotten her into. After a little while longer, she stopped making fun of him, and started complimenting him on his skills, on his never ending bravery in the face of danger, she started telling him about how Castle always seemed to know what to say or not say, what to do or not do, when to push and when to back off, and he knew.

When Kate had come to him about a new lead on his wife's case, and told him the details about the people behind it all, how dangerous they were, and what they were capable of, and how she needed to end it more than anything, he thought now was the time. He looked up Castle address from Kate's address book with out her knowing, and went to speak to him. He wanted to thank him, for giving him his little girl back, for cracking her shell, for bringing her wall down, but all that was on his mind was keeping her safe. Castle seemed shocked when Jim had told him that he had more of an ability to get through to her than her own father did. But it was the truth. When ever Jim tried to talk to her about her mother's case, she gave many answers that basically said that she wasn't backing off until she finds the people responsible, and to him, that told him that she would sacrifice herself for the memory of his late wife.

He knew Castle had something to do with her request to stay at his cabin with him during her leave, but he decided that now was not the time to push the issue. All he wanted right now was her to be safe.

When the drive finally ended at his secluded cabin , he got out, with her right behind him carrying her bag. He opened the door to the faint smell of dust and wood and surveyed the cabin. He heard her sigh behind him. He turned around and looked into her troubled eyes.

"Something wrong, sweetie?" He spoke coming to stand next to her and flip the switch for the lights that sit next to her.

"Uh, no. I just need time, that's all." She said, gave him that sad smile that she used to give him when she wanted to avoid talking about something, and walked off in the direction of her usual bedroom.

* * *

The days went by quickly, with her staying in her room most of the time, just sitting on her bed, staring out the window. Every once in a while, late at night, he'd walk past her bed room door and hear the faint sound of choked sobs come from the other side of the door. His heart broke every time. Every morning she'd wake up and pad her way into the kitchen, looked restless, dark circles under her eyes, and sometimes a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead, and he'd ask how she was feeling. Her answers varied from 'a little better than yesterday', to 'like I've been hit by a train'.

Three weeks had gone by when he heard her talking to someone on the phone, in an angry voice. He only started to really listen when the sound of her ex boyfriends name hit his now perked up ears.

"Josh, I told you, it's none of your business!" She spoke in a muffled tone from behind her closed bedroom door.

"I don't care what you meant by it, the fact is that you said it in the first place." He heard the soft clatter of her phone being thrown against the wall, and decided to check out the situation. With a soft knock and a turn of the knob he entered.

"Katie, everything alright? I heard some commotion." Jim asked, coming to stand in her door way.

"Everything's fine, Dad." She said, setting her gaze of the window once more. He came slowly around her bed to sit next to her, where she had her arms around her legs and hugging them to her chest.

"Katie, talk to me. You've been hold up in this room for almost a month. You have barely slept, you don't eat very much. And I get really worried when I hear you throw your phone against the wall after screaming into it, and then have you tell me that everything's fine. What's wrong?" He asked sincerely.

With a quiver of her bottom lip, and a stray tear coming to fall down her cheek, she began. "I... why did he do it? Why did he have to tell me that then!" She let her head fall into her knees.

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

With another choked sob she hesitantly began. "He just wouldn't back off! He told me that I was hiding from everything. He told me that I was just running away from what I deserved. He told me to back off, that it wasn't about catching her killer but I... I just wanted to badly to see it through, to get the justice she deserved that I was too stupid to stop him. I kicked him out on the street with no more than 'nice to meet you'. And he still came back! He threw himself in front of a snipers bullet for me, Dad! He has a family, a daughter to think about, for Christ sake's! Doesn't he realize that it would destroy me if I had to go up to her and tell her that because of me, her father was taken from her. I couldn't live with myself. Why doesn't he realize that?!" She asked frantically.

He placed an arm around her and dragged her into his embrace and spoke. "Because he loves you, Kate."

His answer only fueled her sobs and she just cried even harder as she clung to his shirt. "He told me, dad."

He pulled back his head that was resting on top of hers. "What? When?"

With another stuttering breath, she asked sarcastically, "When do you think! Right after he tackled me to the ground after I had just been shot. Why did he have to tell me then?"

"Katie, do you know how many times I wish that the last words your mother heard were me telling her how much I love her? I think about it everyday. I would give anything just to get the chance to tell her how much I loved her one more time. Just to have her know before she left me that I never took her for granted, and that I loved her with all of my heart. Kate, I've seen the way he is. I watched him drown himself in the sorrow of his failure to save you after that boyfriend of yours came up."

"No, Dad. You don't understand." She spoke breathlessly. "When Castle came by after I woke up, I told him that I didn't remember. He poured his heart out to me and I shoved it back in his face like he meant nothing to me. What do I do, Dad?"

"What you're afraid to do." His answer got her to lift her head and look him in the eye. "You go to him."

Her eyes widened, as if that wasn't even possible. "Dad, I can't..."

"Katie, listen to me. When you're mother was killed, I didn't just lose my wife, I lost my little girl too. Losing your mother crushed your spirit, Kate, made you cold and distant. It made you rigid. You didn't smile anymore, you didn't laugh, you just lost yourself. The only time I would ever see you with a content look on your face was when it was buried in one of his books. Then you started to smile again, you started to laugh, you started to be more open. Kate, he is the only one that could ever do that. That man gave me my little girl back. And the least he deserves is answers."

She simply replaced her head back where it was and let his words sink in. She finally fell asleep under the feeling of him stroking her hair.

The days started to go on a little easier. She could move around a little easier. She would get out of bed more often, she would eat more, she started sleeping soundly, occasionally waking up from a nightmare. Almost every night, she would slip under the covers of her bed with the lights off, grab her phone, select his name from her contact list, and just hover over the send button before fear won the battle once more, and it won every time. When his new book came out, she asked her father to run out and get a copy for her, and she read it at least four times, with the dedication page occasional causing a stray tear to roll down her cheek.

When she returned to the city, three weeks before her leave actually ended, she got resettled in her apartment and set up the phyc eval she needed to get back to work. Deciding to just tell him what he wanted to hear, she played the event down to what it actually was just go get her badge back. When she arrived back at the precinct, she heard applause start to sound around the bullpen, accompanied by a few cheers. She saw the familiar faces of Ryan and Espo waiting for her at her desk.

"I thought you weren't gonna be back for another two weeks boss." Espo said.

"Yeah well, nothing but the sound of crickets at my dad's cabin started to get to me." She replied, and tossed her bag beside her chair and sat down.

After a couple of minutes with them still hovering over her, she asked, hoping they would catch on soon. "So, any leads?"

Immediately realizing what she was asking about, Javier started to run down the details they had come up with in her absence.

"Wait, didn't Castle tell you all of this already?" Ryan asked, surprised that she hasn't committed every detail to memory by now.

"No, why?" She asked, not really expecting an answer.

"He was hear with us, everyday, working the case. You should have seen him. I've never seen him like that." Esposito said, admiration evident in his voice.

"Yeah, that is until the new captain kicked him to the curb." Ryan jerked his head forward and set his gaze to the captain that was crossing the bullpen, surveying things.

"Yeah, the minute she got here, the first thing she did was boot Castle." Esposito remarked, chancing a glance in the direction of their captain.

"Where's the file?" Beckett asked, looking between the pair.

"Castle has it." Ryan spoke as if it was no big deal, but quickly realized it was when he saw her reaction to the statement. "Well, what were we suppose to do? Leave it around here so Gates could find it? It's not like it was before, if she get's wind of this, we could all lose our badges."

With a heavy sigh, she got up and walked out of the bullpen, knowing what she had to do.

* * *

She stood in line for at least three hours, her heart thundering the whole time. By the time she finally reached the desk where he sat, her fingers were twitching and she was visibly nervous. When he asked her her name, the sound of his voice made her heart skip a beat. "Kate," She found her voice, "you can make it out to Kate."

When he looked up and the slight lift his lips had disappeared, she knew he was angry. She simply watched him as he got up and told the rest of the people that the signing was over. She felt her stomach drop as he simply walked off and didn't say another word to her. When she saw him outside she tried once more.

"Castle, wait!" She hoped to get a chance to explain things.

"I did, three months. You never called." He deftly said with his back turned to her.

"I tried, Castle. But I couldn't. Not with out dragging myself through everything I just needed to get away from." She wasn't doing a very good job at explaining herself.

He snapped around and she was scared to see the fire in his eyes. He began to yell at her, but all she could think was what she had done to make him this angry.

"You come here, as if nothing nothing was wrong, that we could just pick up where we left off? After that? No, Kate! No!" His words finally registered, as she watched him storm off around the corner.

* * *

She couldn't let it end there. Not like that. She took a chance and walked to his loft. She knocked on the door softly and was hoping that it was actually him answering the door, she didn't think that Alexis would let her in. She was less relieved, however, when her prayers were answered.

"Kate, what do you want?" He asked in a low tone.

"A chance to explain." She responded in a watery voice.

He simply stood there, waiting for her to continue. "Look, Castle, I'm sorry. But I couldn't look you in the eye and tell you that everything was alright until I healed."

"Did Josh help you with that?" He asked with the anger still seeping from his responses.

"We broke up." She said, looking down at her feet. He still continued to stand there, waiting for her to continue once more. "The way he acted after I got shot made me realize what kind of man he really is. And he's not the kind of man I want to be with." His expression began to soften at what she was saying. He stepped aside and motioned her in and closed the door behind her. Keeping a reasonable distance between them, she began once more.

"After my mom was killed, It's like I put up this wall. And I know that I won't be the kind of person I want to be, or... be with to people that I want, until that wall comes down. And that's not going to happen, until I put this thing to rest." She said, hoping he understood. He looked back up at her with a hard expression once more.

"Is that the reason you came? Because I have that damn file? Is that what that was all about? Kate, I wish you would quit stringing me along. If all you care about is my resources, then you can forget about it! If the only reason you came back to me was because I had information you needed to continue your blind run into the lion's den, then just say so!" He spat.

"Castle, that's not true!" She pleaded.

"It's not? Then why is it that I've waited three agonizing months for you to call, just to have you take what you needed from me, and toss me aside like a fucking used tissue? Tell me something, Kate. If Ryan hadn't given me that file, would you have come back to me at all? Because, right now, it's pretty hard to believe that after all you've said that you would."

"Castle, please, just listen to me." She pleaded, letting the tears spill from her eye lashes.

"Listen to you? Why should I, Kate? You never listened to me. And here I thought I actually had a chance to get it through your thick skull that they were going to KILL you if you didn't back off. Hell, your own father came to me and pleaded with me to try. The last conversation I had with the captain was him telling me that the only person that can get through to you, and make you stop your death march was me. But the next thing I knew, you were telling me that we were over, and to get out. Well, It's my turn now. We are done Kate!"

He quickly ran to his office and came back with a folder in his hands and shoved it to her chest. "Now get out." He said, in the coldest tone she ever heard cross her ears. On weak legs, she made her way to the door and closed it behind her, bracing herself on the wall opposite of his door and cried silently.

She had failed.

* * *

**A/N: So someone reviewed the last chapter and said that it was unrealistic for Kate to get out of the hospital after only four days in the hospital, but for the sake of the story, just go with it. And just to let you know, it's not ending here. Im not that cruel. I just always felt that Castle gave in too easily. She told him that she broke up with josh and he just came running back to her like a crack head in need of a fix. I think that he would have a bit more of a back bone than that. **

**Anyways, im glad I got this chapter finished tonight, and honestly surprised i did. And really surprised at how many follows this story has gotten while I wrote this chapter. So awesome! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and REVIEW, even if you didn't. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The response I got from this was amazing! So I'm updating it, just like most of you asked. And it's nice to see that more people felt the way i did about castle being pissed off. Anyway, here it is! **

**Disclaimer: still not mine, but i can still dream.**

* * *

****He stood there with his fists balled up as he watched her go. What did she think was going to happen? That she would just stroll back in here, ask for the files, and then tell him 'Sorry, but you need to wait more'? He's done enough waiting. If he can't make her see what's already right in front of her, then he doesn't have to keep offering it to her. After a couple of frustrating minutes waiting for something to happen, he decided that he needed to get out of New York, in a way he hasn't done since Alexis was born. He walked into his office, got a pair of small keys that lay in the back of the bottom drawer, went to find the right jacket.

After another ten minutes, he found himself standing in front of a tarp that was covering what he needed. With a quick yank that sent dust into the air of the parking garage, he let out a heavy sigh, started it up, and retreated away from the city in the direction of the Hamptons.

* * *

She didn't know what to do. Why couldn't he just let her really explain things. She let herself back into her cold apartment, and slumped down on her couch, throwing the file down on the coffee table. She had kicked him out after he was just trying to help her, and at the time, she didn't even feel bad about it. She just wanted him gone.

But now...

Looking at her watch, then digging in her pocket for her phone, she quickly found the right number and made the call.

Two hours later, she was sitting in the same office as she was the last week, waiting for a shrink to come evaluate her and give her his signature so she could get back on duty. But here she was, needing help. The picked at the seem of the chair she sat in until Dr. Burke walked in.

"I was surprised to get your call. Most people don't come back after their cleared for duty." He said, coming to sit across from her.

When he was met with silence, he started again, hoping to get an answer this time. "So, what can I do for you, Kate?"

She looked up to gaze out the window that lay to the right of her, and spoke softly in a watery voice, "I lied, before."

"About your shooting?"

She nodded in respond and sunk her head down once again. "What do you remember?" He prodded.

"I remember everything." She said, coming up to meet his gaze.

After a minute of uncomfortable silence he began. "Why are you telling me this now, and not before?"

"I, I just wanted to get back on duty, back to the way things were before. So I lied."

"So, what really happened?"

With a heavy sigh, she began. "I was standing at the podium in my dress uniform. I started reading the speech I had written, but all I could think was not to look at his family. I looked over to Castle after a break in the speech, and saw him just staring back at me with hurt in his eyes. I began the speech again, then out of the corner of my eye I saw him start moving toward me, I heard him calling my name, then I felt the shot hit me." She paused to swipe the back of her hand across her cheek. "He tackled me to the ground, and I heard him pleading with me to stay. I couldn't feel anything beside his grasp on my shoulders. I wanted to call out to him but I couldn't. He, uh... he said that he loved me."

"Is that why you're really here?" Dr. Burke asked.

She nodded, "Yeah, I guess."

"How do you feel about his confession?"

"Of all the times he could have said those three words, why did he have to say them there! Is he just so selfish that he felt he needed to get it off his chest to make himself feel better before I died?" She asked, annoyance pricking at the edges of her voice.

"You didn't answer my question, Kate." He said, asking for a real answer.

"I, when I woke up after blacking out, Josh, my ex boyfriend was standing there, but I had wished the whole time that it was him. He showed up about twenty minutes after I woke up and..." She couldn't finish, the shame getting the better of her.

"...and?"

"And I told him I didn't remember. I mean, he poured his heart out to me in the cemetery, and I spat in his face." She mocked herself.

"Kate, you still haven't answered my question." Dr. Burke pointed out.

"I felt, scared."

"Why do you think that is?"

After a long minute of pacing back and forth he prodded once again. "Kate?"

"Because I'm too much of a coward to say it myself!" She spat, and came back to sit. He waited for her to continue.

"He's always been so open and understanding. So when I came back from leave, I went to see him, to explain things. And the boys said that they had given him to file to my shooting for safe keeping. So I told him that I needed to wait until I put it to rest."

With a heavy sigh, he didn't say anything. Just kept on waiting. "He yelled at me. Accused me of using him for just information. He threw the file in my face and told me to get out. And I don't know how to fix it."

"Why do you want to fix it?" He asked.

"Because we're partners! I just wanted things to go back to normal."

"Kate, who do you want to fix it for? You or him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Kate, put yourself in his shoes. You tell him that you love him when he had just been shot. But when he wakes up, he tells you he doesn't remember. Then, he runs off, not to be seen for another three months after saying that he'd call you. And then the only reason he ever comes back at all was because you had the files he needed to get back to his life. So, do you want to fix it because you need him to help you solve your case, or because you need him and him alone?"

"I... how do I fix it?"

"You have to start by being honest with yourself why you want to fix it at all. If you keep lying to yourself, telling yourself that you just need to a little more time, then your never going to get the answers you want."

With a sigh, she lifted her head and paced for a couple more minutes. After a minute or two, he saw a smile start to prick at the edges of her lips, that soon blossomed into a bright unyielding smile. "Thanks Dr. Burke." She then made her way swiftly out of his office.

* * *

She tried his cell phone, but it was turned off. She knew something was wrong because he always kept his cell phone with in reaching distance in case Alexis needed him. She went up to his loft once again and knocked, but was startled when Martha had answered.

"Kate, darling, what are you doing here? When did you get back in town?" The older woman asked, some what glad to see her.

"I'm actually looking for Castle, is he around?" She asked, looking behind her and into the loft.

"Come on in, dear, I think we need to talk." She said on a sigh and waved Kate in. When Martha offered Kate a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, she declined, knowing her nerves or too on edge to keep anything down.

"Well, dear, Richard is pretty upset." Kate felt a stab of pain hit her, followed by a sudden wave of guilt. After a long pause, Martha began again, "He left about three this afternoon. To where, god only knows."

Three o'clock, that's right after he kicked her out. Where the hell was he? "When was the last time you saw him?" Kate asked.

"Around eleven, right before he left, he had a book signing near the park today." Martha answered.

"Then how can you tell that he's upset?" Kate asked, obviously missing something.

"Oh he took that dreadful bike of his!" She said, waving her hand in the air and going to refill her wine glass.

"His what?" Kate asked, making sure she heard her right.

"Oh that awful motorcycle of his. He hasn't gotten it out since before Alexis came along. I had hoped that he would leave that thing in the garage."

"Since when does he have a motorcycle?" Kate asked, wanting to get back to the point. If he had a motorcycle, and knew how to ride it, why didn't he tell her?

"Ugh, he got it after Kyra left. At that time, darling, he had too much money and too much time for his own good. So he got that old motorcycle and flight of fancy. When Alexis was born, he threw a tarp over it in the garage and it's stayed there ever since. He's only taken it out once or twice since then, but he only ever took it when he was really upset." She said, replaced the wine she had decided to go with.

"Any idea where he would go?" Kate asked, still frazzled by the fact that he knew how to ride a motorcycle and didn't tell her.

"Usually to our house in the Hampton's. It is a beautiful drive up there this time of year, after all."

"Okay, thanks Martha." She said and went to leave, but was stopped by a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Talk some sense into my think skull of a son would you? You're the only thing that seems to get through to him sometimes, dear." She said, with a bright smile. "You know, dear, he would kill me for saying this but you're the only girl in his life that I actually ever liked?"

With a slight chuckle and a bright smile, she responded, "Thanks Martha." She then gave the older redhead a hug and let her out. She knew why, or at least she had a theory. She knew exactly why Martha didn't like Meredith. They were exactly the same. Bright, fun, exuberant red heads with a flare for the dramatic and a love for acting. Women like that tend not to get along. And she guessed that the only reason she didn't like Gina was because she was constantly bugging her son about being late, and dragging him to places he didn't want to go. She didn't know why Martha had decided to make an exception and accept her as a big part of her sons life, and she decided not to fight it.

She went back to her apartment, changed into her boots, and leather jacket, grabbed her helmet from the top of her closet and headed out. She got to her soft tail, got on, started it up, kicked the shifter down to release it from neutral and into first, and rode off to fix what she had damaged.

* * *

**A/N: Yes I made castle be able to drive a motorcycle. For two main reasons, 1) because he's rich, and he sometimes has too much time on his hands and 2)Because he's a guy, and we just get it, it comes naturally to us. **

**I dont know how much longer im going to take this story, but the next update to this might come a little later than my usual updates, as Ive been getting responses to update The Impression That I Get. So i guess ill have to work on that. Anyway REVIEW! I want to hear what you guys think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: still not mine, but i can dream!**

* * *

He walked out of the elevator with his black leather jacket on, and over to this far corner. He stood there for a moment before he ripped the torn free and through it against the wall. He smiled to himself, and climbed on, stuck the keys in below the gas tank, and kicked started it. With a loud roar, the bike came to life, the growl of the engine echoing loudly through the under ground parking structure. He revved the engine a few times before kicking the shifter, sending it into 2nd gear, and cranked the accelerator back and sped off. He left his helmet behind, just wearing a pair of sun glasses and was soon out of New York city limits, not having to worry about getting pulled over for not obeying the helmet laws.

topping off at about 95, he was half way to his destination, and the sun was hung low in the sky. He was at his beach house in record time, especially considering he took the scenic route. He pulled in his drive way and got back into neutral just off the front steps and revved the engine twice more before turning the hitting the start button to kill the engine, and turned the key and went inside. He unlocked the door, tossed in jacket against the wall, and walked out to the back porch and stood there for a long while, just wanting to forget this day, and the past three years for that matter, ever happened.

* * *

The sun started to glow golden, setting the trees that flew by here in a golden amber color. If she would have to guess, she'd say it was about 5 o'clock. Her soft tail purred under her. Pulling a comfortable 75 miles per hour, and she arrived at the address Martha had provided her, just as the sky started to glow pink with the setting sun. She pulled into the drive way and was startled at the motorcycle she saw sitting on it's stand.

She expected to see a fully dressed Harley, but instead here was what looked like a 1982 Honda CB900, cherry red. Who knew Richard Castle like old Japanese street bikes? She stood in front of it and chuckled to herself as she read the word _Castle_ in black cursive lettering. She quickly realized what she was doing here in the first place, and once she did, her heart started to thunder in her chest, and violent goosebumps erupted from or shivering skin. She took one stair at a time, and now was the time she took in the sheer size of his beach house. Is this what she missed out on last summer? _Why didn't I say yes sooner? _She mentally slapped herself.

Glancing their the diamond cut textured glass on the front door, she couldn't see or hear anything besides the faint crash of waves. She lifted a shaky hand up to ring the door bell, not trusting her strength to knock loud enough. She heard the doorbell ring behind the door, and waited, her already racing pulse picking up speed with every passing breath she took with no movement surfacing behind the locked door. She stood, physically feeling the blood coursing through her veins, and rang the door bell again.

She heard a soft click, and the gears of the door knob slowly turn, and then the door creak open. Her vision blurred for a second, and then she refocused to see him, a blank expression portrayed on his face.

"Why did you come here?" He asked in such a low and dark tone she almost didn't hear it, and it still took her a second to analyze what he had said.

"To apologize. I know I can't change what I did, and the only way I can think of to make it up to you now is to tell you the truth, however hard it maybe to say and for you to hear. You deserve at least that." She said in a shaky voice that shocked him, but decided to stay stoic.

When he didn't answer her right away, she looked up to his eyes and softer now, not much, but she noticed. He stepped aside, and spoke, a little lighter this time. "Come on, it's getting cold."

She stepped inside slowly, taking care not to brush past him too close, less her heart give out at the sensation of touching him again. She took the time during the awkward silence that overcame them to take in the decor of the house. It was definitely Castle, to say the least. With the kitchen off the the left and a bedroom with a large fireplace visible, much like the one he had in his loft back in the city. The large french doors that lay in front of her caught her attention. It was beautiful, she mentally slapped herself yet again for not accepting his invitation a lot sooner.

Not knowing where or how to start she began shyly, "So uh, nice bike." She said, coming to look at him through her fallen bangs.

"Yeah, thanks." He said blankly and came to lean against the wall to his right.

"Why didn't you tell me you could ride?" She asked, hoping to lighten the heavy mood.

"You didn't ask." He said, just as blankly, but she could tell there was humor meant by the statement.

"Castle, I'm sorry. I know I should have called you while I was away. I should have written to you, or something but I was scared. I can't tell you how many times a day I picked up the phone and stared at your picture with my finger an inch above the call button. But every time I did, I would feel the bullet hit my chest, I would feel you tackling me and hear you yelling my name as clear as day. The first month I was away I would have these dreams. I would be standing at the podium, giving that stupid speech. I would her you yell for me, I would hear the shot ring out, but I wouldn't feel it. Then I would look down, and..." a stray tear came tumbling down her cheek, and it broke his heart. "You'd be lying there, with this scared look on your face, and I just stood there. I couldn't move, I tried to kneel down, tell you how stupid it was for you to take that bullet for me, tell you it was going to be alright, but I couldn't move. You'd just be lying there, with a tear in your eye, begging me for me time that I couldn't give you. Every night, with out fail, I'd have the same dream, you diving in front of that bullet and I just froze, because I was scared. I was scared to tell you how much I wanted you to stay with me, how much you mean to me, how much I..." She drew in a long and shuttering breath.

"Kate, don't say it." He pleaded.

"No, Castle! I'm done being afraid. I'm done hiding! You were right, okay? When my mom died I thought that shutting myself out to everything was the right thing to do, to spare myself because I knew the I would never meet someone who would be by my side no matter what. But you were always there. I tried kicking you out of my life, and you were still there, standing with me. I told you that we were over and in stead of walking away, you threw yourself in front of a bullet to save my life. And I couldn't figure out why until you told me. And even then I didn't understand."

All of the sudden, a shocked and hurt expression appeared on his face. "You remember?" He said, in a heart broken voice.

"Castle, I came here to set things straight. I can't live with myself knowing how much I've hurt you." She said.

"Oh, so this is for you. You can't live with the fact that you something wrong, so you thought you'd come apologize to make YOU feel better?"

"Castle, you have no idea how sorry I am. You poured your heart out to me and I spat in your face. You have always been there, right by my side, with out fail and I took that for granted. I thought you were just another annoyance to deal with when you would show up after I've been kicked off a case, or I'm at a dead end on my mom's case, but I didn't know how much that meant to me until I ran. Then all of the sudden, I was craving your out of place and stupid jokes, I was craving your presence. Castle, with out you, I don't know where I'd be today."

"Kate, you LIED to me. When Josh came storming out of the OR after you'd been shot and shoved me against the wall, I wanted to fight back, but then he blamed me. He told me that it was my fault that he had to pry a bullet from your heart, and that it was my fault that Montgomery was dead. And then, when I came to see you, I was a little relieved to hear that you didn't remember what I said. Because that means we had a chance to forget about that day, because lord knows I would give anything for that day to be a figment of my fucking imagination! But then you told me that I should have let you go into that hangar with him, when I knew that if I did that, I would be the one having to knock on your fathers' door and tell him that his only daughter was just killed by the same men who killed his wife. Do you think I could handle that, Kate? Do you think he could? He already lost the love of his life, but your to blinded by your need for closure to see that. And that's all I had, for three fucking months, Kate. Blame, and resentment for not letting you end your life when you wanted to end it. Well, I'm sorry that I care too much to see you throw your life away to idly sit by and watch you do it. I'm sorry that I felt the need to let you know how I feel at the worse possible time, but it seems the only way I could get you to listen!"

"Castle, I never blamed you! If it wasn't for your selflessness, my mothers killer would still be out there, I wouldn't have gotten to see the face of the man that took a knife to her stomach like he was tying his fucking shoes. If it wasn't for you being there for me when my apartment blew up, then I would have been killed. Castle, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I spent those three months hating myself for how I handled everything. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around you and tell you how much I love you. But I was scared. Castle, I don't want to be scared anymore, but I can't do it with out you."

By this time they were about a foot apart, tears streaming down their faces, but both refusing to reach out and grab the other. They stood their with locked eyes.

"Kate..." He began but was interrupted.

"Rick, I need you to know." She said coming up to grasp his shirt. "Rick, if you tell me to leave now, you might as well shoot me where I stand because I can NOT survive with out you anymore. I tried for three months and it was the most agonizing three months of my life. Knowing that you were out there, but having only myself to blame for not just coming to you sooner. Castle, I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it."

With the hands he placed on her shoulders, to at first keep her at by, he yanked her to him in a searing kiss.

* * *

**A/N: This one took a bit longer to write than I thought it would because i kept erasing whole paragraphs and whole sections of dialog because it didn't feel right. But i hope i pulled it off and it lived up to your expectation. **

**For those of you who are waiting for an update to The Impression That I Get, I want to finish this fic first, at the most, it will be one more chapter long. I dont want to turn it onto a full on AU fic with caskett babies and such, (Thats what the other one is for ;)) **

**So REVIEW the reviews so far have been great! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Happy Castle Monday! Obviously this starts out at some good ol' Caskett Smut! So If your against reading it, then skip to the last section. **

**Disclaimer: still not mine, but i still have a dream.**

* * *

****There was a hint of anger in the way he kissed her at first. It soon faded away when she slid her hands up his chest and into his hair. The kiss deepened immediately, making his hair on the back of his neck stand up on end as much as it could with her hand firmly pulling him toward her. All of the sudden, a choked sob came out of her and she wrapper her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His hands that found purchase on her waist were now wrapped around her and she began to speak against his open lips.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry."

His only response was to kiss her even harder. It was not like he remembered. The last kiss they shared were under very different circumstances, and it was the most amazing kiss he's ever experienced. But that paled in comparison to what was happening right now. It wasn't held back, it wasn't reserved, they each were pouring everything they felt into each movement of their lips. Breaking the contact of their lips, he moved down her tear stained face, and onto her neck. He's dreamed of how it would feel to kiss her neck, having her hands fist his hair and keep him in the spot that made her groan on pleasure. But what was happening now, with one hand in his hair, the other gripping his shoulders, and his lips firmly attached to her neck, was... amazing.

The need to feel more skin began to get out of hand, and they soon found each other helplessly trying to pry the barriers between then off. Her jacket was the first to go, then his black T-shirt, leaving his heaving chest bare, then her own T-shirt, but when he gazed about what he thought would be flawless skin and an immaculate pair of breasts, he saw something that caught his attention and made his insides clench in pain. In the middle of her black lace bra, was a small round protrusion, no bigger than a the size of a pen tip, but he knew right away what he was looking at. He cautiously moved his hand up and stopped right before he hit her scar. She grabbed his hand in both of hers and moved it over her scar for him and then bent up to kiss up softly. She moved her hands back into his hair and soon found her bra on the floor, in the space between them and being pulled up against him, pressing their bare chests together and causing both of them to shiver at the sensation.

He kept his left arm around the middle of her back, and then bent down and lifted her into his grasp and she was being carried into the bedroom that lay to her right, with his loving gaze cast down upon her own. They never broke eye contact until she was being lowered onto his plushy mattress. He then walked around to the foot of the bed and lifted her boot clad foot into his hands. He undid the quick snaps and slid them off of her, and then mirrored the action with her other foot. With his gaze once again locked on her, he bent down and was soon hovering over her, and leaning down to kiss her softly. She slid her palms up his sides and then up the curve of his spine then pulled him down to her, his weight still being supported by his forearms. He rolled over and brought her with him and found herself straddling him. When the need began to overtake her, she started to grind her hips against him, grinding harder and harder with each rotation her hips made, hoping he would get the message. His hands reluctantly moved from her breasts and down to the button of her pants and then flipped them once more so he could divest her of her pants with out much trouble.

Now, laying in front of the man the she loves so deeply, in nothing more than a pare of black lace panties, she didn't feel scared, she didn't feel trapped, she didn't feel hopeless, she felt free, and loved. He was then moving his hands to undo his own pants but was stopped by the sound of her low, sultry voice.

"Don't, let me." She sat up and scooted over to the edge of the bed, and placed her palms on his stomach, sliding until her fingers were grasping in the top of his pants. She undid the button and then became aware of his erection. She pulled his pants down, despite the trouble she ran into getting them around him. Half way down, they slid off of him and now he lay more bare than her. She found herself being pushed gently back on to the bed by the shoulders until they made eye contact again. He grabbed her ankles and lifted until her feet lay on top of his shoulders. He put two index fingers under the top of her panties and glided them off of her long legs, he lifted her feet off of him and then slid them off of her and then moved her legs around his waist. Scooting them to the middle of the bed, never breaking eye contact, he spoke softly.

"You're beautiful, Kate."

He had told her once what he thought was beauty, and knowing what he thought it was, she looked away shyly until she felt him touching her chin to re-avert her gaze to his. "Never doubt that." He cupped her cheek and then bent down to kiss her softly and placed himself at her entrance. He gently pressed into her, stopping just inside. She bit his bottom lip as he started to sink deeper, until his pelvis was up against hers, and refused to move. After a moment, she pushed up with her hips, trying to get him to move. He started to pull out of her, only to sink back, just as slowly. She raked her nails down his back, eliciting a long moan from him. He set the pace slow, repeating the motion of pulling almost all the way out of her, only to push back down. She soon started to lose control, as his mouth started to do wondrous things to her pulse point, while his free hand kneaded her breast. He slowed his pace even more when he felt her insides convulse and twitch around him. She reached her peak and stayed there for a while, while he stilled his motions until she fluttered her eye lids open and greeted him with a loving and blissful smile.

He smiled back just as lovingly and bent down to place yet another kiss on her sweet lips. When he started again, she went up to grip his shoulders tightly and went to squeeze him with her thighs around his waist. He got the message, and started to move a little faster, but not much. She wanted more, she had her's, now it was her job to give him his. _I guess it's my turn. _

She moved her right leg move his waist to press her knee into his front side, then pushed into his shoulder and flipped him, all with out breaking the lip contact that the had. She began by sinking all the way down onto him, releasing a loud moan from the back of her throat. She ground her hips into his forcefully. She lent down and attacked his lips, hoping he would understand what she was getting at. He moved his hands from her hips to her shoulders and pulled her down onto him with vigor, getting rewarded with yet another loud moan. She quickened her pace and soon was losing control once again. Feeling her rising again, he stilled her hips in mid air, and began thrusting into her until she was becoming undone around him once again. With a few more untimely and sloppy thrusts, he slipped inside of her, his hips remaining in the air for a long moment before slowly coming down.

Both breathing heavy, and unwilling to break any sort of contact, they laid there in each others' embrace. She lifted her head, pushed lightly against his chest and gazed into his eyes under heavy eye lids. He placed a warm hand on her cheek, and she covered it with her own and leaned into his touch. "I love you, Castle." She said, sweetly and unwavering.

"I love you too, Kate. I think you know that by now." He said, tilting his eye brows up.

"I do."

* * *

They woke up, still in each others embrace, her head resting against his beating heart, with one hand cradling her head, and the other entwined with his. The soft morning light streamed through the bay window.

"Good morning." He said, greeting her to the new day.

"Yeah, best I've had in a really long time." She informed him, inwardly thanking him.

They laid there, not breaking eye contact, until the need to get up and stretch won the battle, and they got up, showered and got dressed, never leaving each others side.

"You want to head back now? Or stay one more day?" He asked, as they were finishing the breakfast they had prepared together.

"As much as I would like to, Castle, I have to get back to work." She said, putting their plates in the sink.

"_We_ have to get back to work." He amended.

"I thought Gates kicked you out." She said, turning around to give him a rather confused look.

"The only reason I let her kick me out was because I had no real reason to go back." He said casually, not wanting to go into it.

"Okay, we can head back today then. When do you want to leave?" She asked, coming to put her arms around his waist.

"Well, if you want, why don't we see who get's back to your place first?" He asked with a quirked eye brow.

"Is that a challenge, Mr. Castle?" She asked, raising the same eye brow he just had.

"Why, Ms. Beckett, I do believe it is."

They went out to their bikes, and started them up, and looked at each other, glaring each other with a grin plastered on each of their faces.

"So, On three?" He asked, over the roar of both of their engines.

She just revved her softtail, and spoke,

"Try to keep up."

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**A/N: I will write a short little epilogue. I know this chapter isnt as long as the others, but it still works, i think. **

**If you think other wise, or if you agree with me and loved this chapter, then REVIEW! I always like to know what you think, good or bad. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Still not mine, but i can still dream.**

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**Epilogue: **

****She sat in her chair across from his, fiddling and picking at the seam of the cushion. She's nervous, to say the least. Hearing the door click open and close again, he speaks, in a friendly voice.

"It's good to see you again, Kate." He says.

"Thanks, Dr. Burke." She replies in a small voice.

"So, what brings you back after all this time?" He asks, coming to sit across from her.

She let a smile blossom across her face, and then look up at the ceiling. Letting a giggle escape, she doesn't know how to answer.

"You seem pretty happy, Kate." He assesses.

"Yeah, I really am." She says, looking at her left ring finger.

Trying to look her in the eye, he speaks. "You know, Kate, last time I saw you, you were pretty upset about your partnership. Is that what brings you back today?"

"Something like that." She says in an inquisitive voice.

With a quirk of his eye brow in a silent question, he lets her continue. "After I left here last time, I went to go see him. We yelled at each other, we fought with each other, we confessed things that needed to be confessed, but once it was all out there, everything just seemed to... fit."

"I'm glad to hear that. How's he doing then?"

"He's good, I've never seen him like he's been lately." She says, letting the smile grow larger.

"How so?" He asks.

"He's just so romantic, he's always trying to make me smile, he's always so caring. He's just, he's great."

"And he wasn't like that before?"

With a light chuckle, she began, "No, not like this."

"Is there something your not telling me, Kate?"

Letting the smile brighten to show her teeth, she lifted up her let hand and dangled her fingers. "He proposed yesterday."

"That's great, congratulations."

"Thanks." She said, letting her soft gaze fall upon her engagement ring.

"So, your not scared anymore?"

Coming up to look him in the eye with a stern smile on her face, she began.

"Never."

_The End! _

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**A/N: I wanted to finish this story before i wrote anymore of my other fic. For those of you following that one, I will start on the next chapter tomorrow, and it should be up by tomorrow night. Thank you for all of you who saw this through. This is my first complete fic! Yay for me! **

**Review and tell me what you think of it overall! **


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